How do I reconcile my past experiences with religion as an imposition on my life with a new concept of spirituality after so many years spent depending on pure logic? Should I do that? Am I betraying all atheists everywhere? Am I being influenced by the popularity of witchy/tarot arts in the queer communities I am part of? Or is this a piece of me that I've been repressing that is finally being allowed out to play? This will be the journey of the ExMo Tarot, to figure out how to do Spirituality free from the iron chains of my upbringing. How to reconcile myself with the world.
When I was a kid I was often told that singing a hymn to myself or out loud was a good way to banish Satan or to remind me to "choose the right." And when you spend half your life in meetings these hymns become embedded in your subconscious. Today, sort of out of nowhere,... Continue Reading →
If I follow my heart (or continue to do so) I'll keep working on this creative project even though nothing may come of it. I may never get published. I may never make a living with my art. But my heart wants to make it, and The Lovers is telling me to go for it because I will find part of myself in its creation.
It is time to walk away, for real. Not just to ignore the situation, like I have been these past few months. It's been nice to have a break, to just pretend it doesn't exist, as if my stopping contact would magically change things. But now it's time to really deal with it all. To grieve the loss, to make way for what's coming.
This reading is all about acknowledging where I am emotionally. Letting myself feel the pain, but working to transform that into something beautiful, and letting it transform me. It's a hopeful reading and it is helping me take a deep breath today.
I was surprised how visceral this reading felt, how strongly I felt the cards were trying to talk to me. I've been really enjoying my other decks, but I've been feeling like a freshman on the first day of high school, intimidated and shy, watching everyone around me and trying to take my signals from them to tell me what to do. With The Wild Unknown deck, I feels like that moment when you find your group of friends and you all sit and talk over each other because you have so much you want to say and hear and share
I think sometimes, and in some ways, it represents my oppressive and abusive past. But it also represents the promise of healing from that trauma, as long as I'm willing to follow the moonlight to the fairy ring in the forest. As long as I'm willing to dance naked with my subconscious, and to face things that are painful to face, The Moon promises that the tide will come in and go out and I'll be able to heal and breathe and move on as a more whole person than I am right now.
The Eight of Swords. At first glance, it's a bit alarming. The girl is blindfolded and seated with her hands tied behind her back. Eight swords hang off the mechanism around the chair. She must be able to hear them, the small sounds of metal against metal, and feel the breeze as they move back and forth. She isn't sure if one or more are about to come crashing down, killing her or at least seriously hurting her. Still, her face is calm. She isn't panicking. She's thinking.
To begin my tarot journey, my first step was choosing a deck. As I looked through many, many blog posts, I came across this one, in which Beth talks about cards that can make or break a deck for her. Among the cards she discusses is The Hierophant, a wise mentor who imparts wisdom. In many decks it's shown as a Pope-like figure which bothers me on many levels, but in her post she noted that in the Shadowscapes deck, he looks like an Ent from Lord of the Rings. I basically fell in love. It was the first image I saw that made my heart go "I want that!" So I went and looked up the website and spent a while looking at the cards.